Why does my dad missing my games and recitals as a kid still hurt as an adult?

Because the empty seat at every recital and game built a story about whether you mattered to him, and that story doesn't update on its own when you become an adult. Kris Kluver, in The Dysfunctional Family Office, has Steve Mitchell remember standing in the dugout, scanning the bleachers for his father, finally seeing him show up in the seventh inning having missed everything that mattered. The line was always Sorry, kiddo. Work stuff. The kid heard the work was more important. The kid grew up still hearing it. The damage is real and the repair is possible, but it requires the parent to actually acknowledge what was missed, not explain it away. Adult kids don't need a perfect apology. They need the missed moments named honestly.