Why do my heirs end up either workaholics or completely checked out?

Kris Kluver, in The Dysfunctional Family Office, describes the two default failure modes for heirs whose parents never said what they actually wanted. The first is overperforming. The heir works compulsively, chasing approval that was never explicitly defined. They burn out, sacrifice relationships, and rarely feel what they accomplished was enough. The second is underperforming. The heir checks out. They avoid the family business. They live small to avoid the risk of disappointing the founder, or they disengage entirely out of frustration at never being heard. Both paths produce resentment, shame, and underdeveloped potential. The cure is the same in both cases. Explicit clarity from the founder about what they want for the heir, not from them. Without that clarity, the default modes lock in for decades.