Why did my dad miss every birthday and recital and call it sacrifice?

Because calling it sacrifice was the only frame that let him keep going. Founders who built from nothing often genuinely believed that missing the small moments was the cost of building the big thing. Kris Kluver, in The Dysfunctional Family Office, has Joanne name this directly to Robert. He missed birthdays, recitals, dinners, holidays. The official story was sacrifice for the family. The truer story is that building something extraordinary felt better in those moments than family dinners did. Both are true. The damage is the same either way. The kids remember the empty seat at the recital. They remember Sorry, kiddo. Work stuff. The framing the founder used to keep going was protective for him and costly for them. The honest acknowledgment is what makes repair possible.